Struggling...

I'm sure it comes as no surprise that I'm struggling right now. My eating hasn't been a total disaster lately, but I've been very lax about it all. I would say I've been eating clean about 70% or more of the time and really when I think about it that way, I don't feel too bad. But I'm still not looking the way I wanted. It's so funny because I might go a week or so and have several "mess-ups" during that time and when I look at myself I think, "I've gained it all back!" But then when I weigh and measure, I've not gone up at all. That's great but my whole goal is to feel confident in my body and be pleased with the way I look. When I'm eating crap, I'm not meeting that goal...even if my weight and measurements have stayed the same. Up to this point I've been trying to strictly eat clean and lay off of the sweets, including clean sweets. Well, you can see how well that's worked out for me! I realize that any sugar, even if it's clean, is really not great for you. But if I'm going to eat sugar, I'd rather it be clean. And I guarantee that the sugar content in most clean desserts isn't as high as some of the stuff I've been eating. I've also just started keeping track of my calories via MyFitnessPal.com. I think between that, eating clean (including sweets), and all the exercise I do each week, I should be able to reach my goals. Hopefully by allowing myself some clean sweets, I won't be so tempted by processed junk. We'll see! I'm willing to give it a shot. As long as I'm not gaining, I'll be fine. However, I don't want to settle for fine.  I think what I'm learning is that what works for others may not work for me. I have to try different approaches and tweak my plan to fit my needs until I find what works for me. Or maybe what works for others should work for me but my will power sucks! =) All I know is that I'm not giving up. One way or another, I'll get where I want to be and when I do, it'll be awesome!

Back from my hiatus.

So it's been forever since I've posted, partly because things have been crazy and partly because I've been eating, well, dirty. That is the opposite of clean, right? So anyway, I was honestly going to quit the blogger thing because I'm not sure too many people actually read it and I was just in the "give up" mode anyway. But after feeling like crap for the last couple of weeks and deciding that this thang ain't over, I'm back. If nothing else, this blog allows me to just type away and vent about what I'm doing. A large part of my problem the last two weeks has started with planning...or should I say, the lack thereof. Clean eating really is pretty easy if you've planned ahead and prepared your food for the week. It's kind of a big task at first, but man is it nice when you can throw your meals and snacks in a cooler on any given day throughout the week without having to do any prep that day! We've been busy and I just hadn't made it to the store. And when you don't have clean foods to eat, well, you're up a creek! It seems like we were eating fast food often and salads can get old. After a while, those salty french fries and ice cold cokes sound really good. And when you've lost all motivation, it's basically over! Well, not over over, but over just for that moment. Except my moment lasted for several days. But again, I'm not going to dwell on that past and the fact that I've been eating junk. I went to the store today and got all kinds of goodies! I also made a trip to the whole foods store about 45 minutes from my house last week, thanks to my sister-in-law having her baby in the same town! How sweet of her, right?! =) I've got some mix to make some hummus which I'm looking forward to. I've also got some new recipes I'm going to try next week. And I'm going to attempt black bean brownies! So I'm pretty excited to get back into the game. Here goes nothing...

Happy Birthday to Me!! =)

Yes, today is my birthday and like the kid that I truly am, I still get excited about them! It's not really for the presents or the cake but just the fact that it's my day. And today I don't want to do anything else besides spend time with my hubby. My family is getting together at my mom's tonight for cake and yes, I am going to enjoy a piece. I've thought about it and decided I'm going to allow myself to have and enjoy it. It's not because I feel like I deserve it or absolutely have to have it, I just thought why not! And I'm not going to allow myself to feel guilty over it. Usually the times I feel guilty are when I'm not prepared for the temptation and I buckle under the pressure to eat something or when I'm eating because of my emotions. But this time I've planned ahead and emotions aren't involved. I'm simply going to enjoy a piece of cake with the rest of my family. And I'm not going to go overboard! I don't need to eat a fourth of the cake (which I will ashamedly admit I did a few months back when I brought a cake to work...hey, no one else was eating it and I paid like $20 for it!). I've decided on an Italian cream cake with some buttercream icing decorations on the top from the best little cake shop in the world, Larry's House of Cakes. At least the Italian cream is packed full of fruit (coconut) and protein (nuts). That makes it healthy, right?! =) Don't worry, I know better. As for my last weigh-in, I lost another two pounds. I was pleased with that because last week was rough. Thanks to the awesome flu I didn't get hardly any workouts in and my eating was all off! So I was happy with two pounds. I've also lost some inches off of my cute little gut because a pair of pants that used to be snug fit nicely on me the other day. So I'm happy with the way things are going so far! I'm almost done with my book, Made to Crave, and I love it so far! It's shed a whole new light on weight loss for me and made me realize some important things! But I'll get into that another day and another time. Right now, I'm going to hang out with my husband. Not sure what we'll do or where we'll go yet, but I'm confident we'll have fun and there will be plenty of laughter involved. Have I mentioned how awesome he is?! =) Have a great day!

"People like to say 'salsa'...

..."'Excuse me, do you have any salsa?' 'We need more salsa.' 'Where is the salsa? No salsa?'"


Seinfeld fan? If so, you'll remember that episode. And why is it relevant to this post? Because I have fresh, homemade, CLEAN salsa in my food processor. It's cooling and just waiting to be devoured. I did get a little taste in and not to toot my own horn but, toot toot, it's good! If you can't tell, I'm pretty excited! I'll be pairing that tonight with clean tortilla chips and clean quesadillas! I've got all my clean meals planned out for the next week and already made my chaotic fun trip to Kroger and Aldi to get all of my food. Aldi has yummy produce and it's cheaper than Kroger! I'll take any chance I can get to save some money. I'm not preparing too much food today because I should have plenty of leftovers from supper next week to provide my lunches. I'm looking forward to this next week. This week was rough. As you may know, I had the flu on Monday so eating in general just didn't happen. I felt so much better on Tuesday but my appetite just wasn't back in full swing. If fact, it didn't really make a comeback until today. I would get hungry and certain foods would sound good, but I'd get about five bites in and then I felt like I was having to force feed myself the rest. Not sure what was up with that. But today has been great! I had some toast with a little coconut oil, cinnamon, organic sugar, and flaxseed, yogurt with strawberries, and black coffee which I flavored myself with some cinnamon and vanilla for breakfast. Since I woke up late I didn't have a snack. For lunch I tried the new Berry Almond Chicken Salad from Wendy's. I got the pomegranate vinaigrette because the ingredients of it looked better than that the fat-free raspberry vinaigrette. And the salad was very yummy! Just a side note here, I LOVE when restaurants post their ingredients. Most places only give you nutritional facts which is great for some but does no good for those trying to eat clean. It really just irritates the crap out of me and makes me think, what do you have to hide? Maybe nothing. Maybe they're just too lazy to post it? I don't know. But I'm loving the places that do provide that information. Although I've discovered that salads are pretty much my only option at fast food restaurants. Another discovery: as long as the salad has chicken, the dressing is not necessary. Sure it tastes good on there, but that's usually where the junk is found. So if I can do without it that's great! I should probably wrap this up so I can get back into the kitchen. I have some blueberry-banana muffins and peanut butter chocolate chip cookies to make. All clean! I'll let you know how they turn out! Enjoy your day!

Back among the living.

Monday stank. I mean, stank it up! I had all the flu symptoms and while I hate throwing up, at least it's over in a few minutes. The body aches, however, go on and on and on. And there's nothing you can do. Once I realized I could eat some crackers and drink some Pepsi without it coming back up, I took some Tylenol and things started looking up from there. By Tuesday I was feeling pretty good other than not having much energy. But that's probably normal considering I had no "fuel" in me. I did some cleaning around the house but had to take breaks often. My appetite didn't make a grand re-appearance either. Nothing really sounded good so I ate very little. But, what I did eat was clean. =) Today has been the same way. I've eaten a little more but still not like normal. I also did Jillian's 30-day Shred and it kicked my butt. It was only 20 minutes but I had to just sit for a while afterwards. My theory? The mixture of the tough workout and me still not having much energy was bad. Hey, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. It's not that I'm just a weenie and can't make it through a Jillian Michaels workout without feeling like I'm going to ralph! I did eat a Jillian recipe for lunch today. I've had it before and it's really yummy! It's the BBQ Chicken and Black Bean Burrito. Cook some chicken, chopped onions (I used onion powder because I was short on time and didn't feel like chopping up some onion), and pressed garlic in olive oil. Add clean BBQ sauce, black beans and some cheddar cheese, slap it all on a burrito and you've got lunch! I halved the recipe and still made enough for two burritos, one of which I will eat for lunch later this week. So I'm still not back into a "normal" routine (not that I totally had one established) but I haven't fallen off the wagon! I'm still hanging in there! I'm anxious to see if I've lost more weight. I couldn't resist weighing myself after being sick. I had lost an additional three and a half pounds which was not surprising after all my poor body went through on Monday! But I'm interested to see what the scale says on Sunday. That, however, is still a few days away and right now it's time for bed! Have a great rest of the week!

Down, but not out.

I woke up early today to go to the gym but after putting my contacts in I knew it wasn't going to happen. I felt like what I like to call poo. So I decided to go back to bed in hopes that I'd wake up feeling better. It was difficult to go back to sleep but I managed to doze off. When I woke up about an hour later I didn't feel much better. I chalked it up to some medicine I had taken the night before and went ahead and got ready. Today was a special day. It was the day I started watching my niece on a weekly basis. So I ran to the grocery store to pick some stuff up and went on my way to my sisters. I didn't feel much better when I got there but made some tea to sip on. Jane left and Liv woke up about five minutes later. When I went to get her she had the biggest smile on her face. My heart melted and I started feeling a little better. That was until I started making her oatmeal. Something about the smell got me and I had to put her on her little floor blanket and take a trip to the bathroom. Remember how I said I loathe throwing up? Well, you can guess what happened. So I called my awesome dad to come watch her for me so I could go home and rest. I'm feeling much better although I'm still not 100% better. My thermometer read around 106 three separate times so I'm pretty sure it's time to retire that one. I may not feel great, but my temperature is definitely not that high! So now I'm sipping on Pepsi and hoping it settles my stomach. I realize soda is definitely not clean, but my very intelligent childhood doctor said to drink Pepsi when you're sick. Who would I be to not follow doctor's orders?! Other than my Pepsi, I've had about five sips of tea. I so wish I had some of my grandma's homemade chicken noodle soup to eat later this evening but I don't feel like making it! So we'll see. I obviously didn't do my Jillian Michaels workouts either. And yes, workouts...plural. We decided to add the Six Week Six-Pack to the plan. Yes, we are psycho. While I totally would have done it had the situation been different, I can't say I'm too sad. I'm sure it will be absolutely killer! Well, the clean eating, and eating in general, has been put on hold until I'm back to normal. Although I hate being sick and don't feel the greatest, I'm going to enjoy my day the best I can. Nothing a little heat pack, some rest, and sips of soda won't fix! Have a great day!

"This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!" Psalm 118:24

First Weigh-In

I survived the first weigh-in. In fact, I was quite surprised and proud of myself. To be honest, I wasn't expecting great results after Friday. I did talk to Travis a little bit last night after my last post and felt better after talking to him. He basically helped me realize that there are going to be times when I'm just going to have to make the best choice possible and enjoy it instead of feeling guilty and letting it bring me down. He usually talks some sense in to me and helps me look at things from a better perspective. I so appreciate that. One of the many, many things I love about my husband. Anyway, eating today went well. I wouldn't say my meals were as frequent as they should be and some didn't contain both protein and carbs, but it was clean! Like I said before, Sundays are going to be hard. I'd like to eat breakfast soon after getting up but then that'd put my snack right in the middle of church. I attend a wonderful church that I absolutely love and I'm sure no one would care but I don't really want to pull a meal out of my purse during the service. Then there's lunch with family. Again, my options are limited. Then I have to try to fit my dinner in before we go back to church at 6:00 in the evening. We typically eat after church. I guess I could eat a snack on the way and do dinner after. I'm going to share a little secret with ya here. Sunday afternoons mean one, and only one, thing to me: nap. I don't care if I got 10 hours of sleep the night before. I love my Sunday afternoon naps. And typically I nap up until it's time to start getting ready for church. I'm not sure I'm willing to cut into sleepy time to eat a meal that I could easily eat afterwards. But I don't really want to come home and prepare a big meal at 7:30 at night. I'm going to have to figure something out. Anyway, I want to share one more thing before I get to my weigh-in. Trav and I went fishing this afternoon and what a beautiful day to do so! Sure it was a little warm when we were sitting out in the sun for a long period of time, but when we got in the shade and once the sun set the weather was perfect! After many failed attempts to catch a fish I decided to read a book that a friend had recommended to me a while back. I bought it several months ago and read through the first couple of chapters but haven't touched it in quite some time. I felt like now was the time to read it. It's called Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. The cover says, "Satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food." That's a pretty good summary of the book and perfect for me! I have allowed food and my love for it to consume way too much of my time, thoughts...my life. That might sound crazy but I'm constantly thinking of food...how I shouldn't be eating so much of it! I've tried to explain the constant battle that rages in my head to Travis before but I don't think he understands because it's not much of a concern for him. I feel like I always struggle with wanting junk food and wanting to be healthy and in shape. I can't have both and it stinks. I'd love to be one of those girls who can eat anything I want and look amazing in a bathing suit. But the harsh reality is that I'm not one of those girls and never will be. If I want to feel good about my body and be comfortable in my clothes, I have to make some changes in my eating habits. Sure, that cookie may taste good for a minute but that's just it. The satisfaction of eating that cookie is temporary. It's short term. The way I feel about myself and how comfortable I am in my own skin...long term. Is that cookie really worth me feeling like crap about myself day in and day out? No. No it's not. Don't get me wrong. I love me some cookies. Let me re-phrase that. I love the taste of cookies. The fact that they love to dwell in my mid-section...don't love. So what I'm learning from this book is that this journey is more about gaining self-control. Being in control of my food instead of the other way around, which is how it has been for far too long! There are lots of good things I've learned from this book so far. I still have a little over half of it to read, but I'm very thankful that I have it at this point in my life. And thank you Malinda for suggesting it! Ok, now for the moment you've all been waiting for: the weigh-in results. When I stumbled out of bed this morning I thought, "Today is the day." Although I really don't care so much about the numbers on the scale as I do about the number on my jeans tag, it can be a good indicator of how you're doing. It can also be a crappy indicator of how you're doing. If the number is up or maybe not down as much as I'd like, it may be water weight or maybe I've gained some muscle. But since the number was down, more than I was expecting, I'll just chalk it up to my hard work this week! So after one week of eating clean probably about 90 or more percent of the time, I lost a total of 4.4 pounds! I was very happy with that number! But I don't want to put too much significance on the number on the scale because there will be a week where I'll work my butt off and do awesome everyday but the scale won't reflect that. And when that happens, I do not want to let it bring me down. So while I am happy with my weight loss I am even more proud of my efforts this week! THAT is what I'm going to rejoice in. I'm going to close with a quote from the book.

"We were made for more than excuses and vicious cycles. We can taste success. We can experience truth. We can choose to stay on the path of hard work and perseverance. We can build one success on top of another. We can keep 'made for more' at the top of our minds and on the tips of our tongues. And our eating habits can be totally transformed as we keep asking, embrace our true identity, find the deeper reason for claiming that identity, and operate in the hope and power that's like no other."