WARNING: I love to talk and am quite good at it, especially when I write. This first post is lengthy and I don't expect most of the others to be this long. But hey, I'm a speech therapist. Talking is what I do...
I know people use the excuse all the time, "I'll start tomorrow," and I used it at least weekly for a while. Just ask my husband. For the longest time it was, "I'm starting on Monday so I'm going to live it up this weekend!" And I always kept my word. Monday would come and I would be perfect! It usually even lasted through Tuesday and maybe even Wednesday. But by the time Thursday would come, I'd be fed up. And when I'd get fed up, I'd feed my face. I am the definition of an "emotional eater." When I'm happy I want to celebrate by eating. When I'm sad, food gives me comfort, When I'm frustrated, I find relief in something sweet. Name an emotion and I'm most likely eating when I feel that way. The "I'm going on a diet and I'm gonna rock it...screw the diet, I want food...no, no, I need to lose weight...screw the pounds, I want food" rollercoaster I was riding was getting really old. I'd be on a weight loss high and within a few days, I had failed once again and I felt completely defeated and worthless. And what would I turn to? Yup, food. Preferable something sweet. But I'd take anything that was availble. And I would be in my slump again until I saw someone with a body I wanted to have. The motivation would return but never stayed long enough to do any good. I was literally going insane. No, seriously. I've heard before that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. What I was doing: insanity. So I decided to try something different. First, I joined a First Place group at my church. It was basically a weekly meeting where we weighed in and discussed the prior week's devotions. It was a wonderful thing and I truly enjoyed the group. Problem was, I basically stunk at keeping up with my daily devotions. It was the same rollercoaster, but instead of with weight loss, it was getting into the Word. I'd make a commitment to "read my Bible everyday and do my devotions." Again, I'd be going strong for two or three days, then things would come up, I'd get lazy, and before I knew it, I had missed the last four days. Again, the feeling of failure and defeat would come. After the session ended, I quit going to the meetings. Not because I didn't enjoy them, but I just felt like I was doing no good. I did, however, continue my attempts to do a daily devotional. Some weeks would be awesome, others not so much. But when I was doing them and really digging into the word, man, what a difference it made. I felt better, had more joy. I was more patient and laidback. Life was really good. So then I decided to join a gym. Well, let me rephrase that. Travis talked me into it. I actually had a membership at a female-only gym but only darkened the doors a day or two a week. Maybe it was because I was trying to do an insanely difficult workout routine that was too much for me at this point. I remember doing the exercises one morning when all of a sudden I had the feeling that I was going to throw up. My face lost all color, my mouth began watering, I could feel the muscles in my stomach and throat tensing. Let me make one thing very clear. I absolutely HATE throwing up. Probably the most disgusting and unpleasant bodily function in my eyes. So I hung out in the bathroom, swallowing violently to keep whatever contents were in my stomach right where they were until the feeling passed. And then, I quit for the day. Note to self: just because I think I can do it doesn't always mean my body can. So after a few months of wasting money on a membership I didn't take advantage of, I gave into Trav and we joined Gold's Gym. I decided to take an exercise class, fully expecting it to only last a week or two, but I was hooked! I went twice a week pretty regularly and really enjoyed myself. The only bummer was that I didn't get home until about 6:45 and by the time I ate, packed my bag for the next day, and got my water bottles ready to go, it was time for bed. I felt like I didn't get to just sit and relax for a bit or spend much time with my husband. So I did the unthinkable. I decided to get up at what I like to refer to as the "butt crack of dawn" to do the 6 a.m. class. It was offered Monday, Wednesday and Friday and since I had to miss the abs workout to get ready for work, I decided I'd check out the abs class on Tuesday and Thursday. Before I knew it, I was getting up every morning at the "butt crack" to go exercise. Have I lost my mind?!?! Then, I did something I NEVER thought I'd do. I started getting up at the butt crack of the butt crack of dawn to go run BEFORE my class! What is up with me?! I've never been one to get up early for anything...ask my family. I hate mornings...loathe them, in fact. But for some reason, I was motivated to get up super early everyday to get my workout in. Those who knew me well were shocked. Proud, but shocked! So here I was getting up every day to do cardio and a 30-45 minute exercise class yet I wasn't losing any weight. Say what?! I know I don't eat that great, but seriously. At that point, I knew that I had to start eating better to see changes. So I stumbled upon Tosca Reno and her Eat Clean Diet. I got her book, "The Eat Clean Diet Recharged" and read it fairly quickly. It all made perfect sense to me and I completely agreed with everything she said. I began my attempts to eat clean and didn't do too bad at first. But one of the keys to this eating clean business is to have a cooler with you packed with clean foods to eat throughout the day. I was trying to pack things every night which was just adding to the stress of not having time to relax and visit with Trav in the evenings. So I've been trying to eat clean when I can but I've really been struggling. I still ride my "I want to be healthy...screw it, I want sweets" rollercoaster, but I think if I can be more organized and prepared, I can actually do this! My goal this summer is to get in the habit of preparing my food for the week in one day so I'm not stressing every night to get it all fixed and put together. I figured if I can get in the habit now while I have ample time, things will be easier when school starts back up in the fall. I just recently got Tosca's book "The Eat Clean Diet Stripped" and I might give that a whirl. All I know is that I want to go at least one month eating clean. One month...4 weeks...28 days. I can do this. One month in the long scheme of things is not that big of a deal. And hopefully after that month, I will feel and look so much better that I won't want to stop. It is also my goal to spend at least a few minutes each day in the Word, doing devotionals. And hopefully it'll be the same way...I won't want to stop at the end of 28 days! So there's my goal. Get healthy spiritually, mentally, and physically. This blog is my way of keeping track of what I do and eat from day to day. It's where I'll talk and express my feelings about it all. It's my way of keeping myself on track and accountable day in and day out. And who knows...maybe I'll help someone else out along the way. Don't be afraid to comment, encourage, give advice, or just say hi...if I know people are reading this, I think it'll help me keep my butt in gear. I plan to start the diet on Sunday, June 5th. I'm not going to "live it up" until then, but I will indulge in some goodness, namely Coldstone. It will be difficult parting ways with Coldstone and I think I've already decided that since it's not often I have the chance to get it, when I do I'm going to take advantage. But I will be making changes in what I order. If I totally broke up with Coldstone, I don't think my heart could go on. So until next time...
